Chapter Two “My spiritual journey” continued…
This was getting a little ridiculous. It was starting to remind me of trying to get a straight answer out of a Zen master I had back home. So I tried to come at it from a different angle.
But before I could, she spoke again.
“Only you can decide who your personal teacher will be, and ask them to be your teacher, if you want to.”
“Well, will you be?”
She laughed and said, “I’m hardly qualified to be your teacher. But thank you anyway, I am honored, that was real sweet of you to ask. I already told you who my personal teacher is, and I can tell you what my basic schedule is, would that help?” She smiled.
“Anything would be welcomed Anastasia. Are you a nun elder?”
“A nun?… well, we are all the same here, so whether male or female, you could call us all monks or all nuns or all whatever. They’re just words. Titles and ‘ranks’ for a ‘position’, don’t matter. It doesn’t really matter what you call anyone, it’s what you are that counts – don’t you think? Sometimes the ‘labels’ help keep some things more organized in our silly little brains, but sometimes it can create false or unfair divisions, and false worship where none is warranted. I guess I might be called a nun in certain orders, except I’m not fully celibate, which sometimes being a ‘nun’ requires. So generally, we all consider ourselves just monks, or students, or teachers, depending on our capabilities and consciousness.”
“Wait – back up a second… ‘Fully celibate? It seems like you either are or you aren’t.”
“I’ll explain some other time. Anyway, some of us do call the Adept female monks ‘Mothers’, however. But it’s because they kind of become like ‘Universal Mothers’ when they are enlightened. It’s more of a term of endearment than a title. Like I said, titles are really unimportant. You could call them sister, or ‘chum’ for all they care.”
In the next few weeks I developed quite a “crush” on Anastasia. I had never had a woman feel so loving toward me, and because of what I was accustomed to (as far as male/female relationships go), I thought that her affection meant that she “liked me” in a romantic sense also. I wasn’t used to being loved so dearly, without it meaning that she wanted to “be with me”. I didn’t understand pure real Love yet. And I didn’t have the consciousness to respond to her without selfish possessiveness. So it came as quite a shock and disappointment to me when I found out that she was not interested in me in “that way”. It turned out that she actually already had a mate that she had a very good and close relationship with. She was just a loving, caring person (“Just” a loving caring person. I said it as if it were common!).
Women who are truly spiritual, kind and caring, typically have quite a problem with men thinking about them the way I did with Anastasia. Actually, lusting after them, would be a more accurate way to put it. Not just in a sexual sense (although that’s certainly involved), but in a “wanting their attention and affections” way.
So you might want to learn from my mistake, and take some helpful advice. If you ever meet such a special, truly spiritual woman, don’t make the same mistake. Just because a woman is warm, kind, and caring towards you, doesn’t mean she wants to be your possession, or have “romance” or sex with you. This goes for all women, but it is especially true for women of advanced spiritual development. Just take the Love you get – it’s wonderful to even ever receive such Love – and don’t try to possess it for yourself alone, or make that woman the center of your life. That’s a role only God can fulfill.
Bringing my Story up to Date, in summary.
As the days went by, I slowly adjusted to my new surroundings, and began to absorb what I could. Years later, I finally “graduated”. Now, as was prophesied within our order centuries ago, this book was written to present the essential ancient teachings to the public, in an unadulterated, clear, easily understandable fashion. Along with this, I will include some of my personal experiences, both ones that I had while I was a young novice student on my road to change, and a few of those that I had later in life, after I became an Initiate. That way you can get a little glimpse of things from “both sides” – the teacher’s and the student’s.